(90) The Secret to Getting More Asleep (when you just can't)

Daniel
Feb 18, 2019
3 min read

Updated: Jul 24, 2023

The downsides of not getting enough sleep will surprise you.

Premature aging; weight gain; weakened immunity; high blood pressure; and low sex drive are all medically linked to a lack of sleep.

We, who wake up groggy, also make more mistakes, have more accidents (including auto), and lower job performances too.

Oh, and our attention span is shorter, we care less about, well, everything; and many of us turn into the seventh dwarf (right, Grumpy).

And if our lack of sleep is from staying up late, many of us find ourselves eating and drinking what we sorely regret the next day.

In general, a lack of sleep results in lower quality of life.

Now imagine a more youthful, brighter appearance, better health, improved concentration and productivity, and a stronger sex drive.

But How?

There are two reasons for sleep deprivation: 1) lying down but not being able to sleep, and 2.) staying up "just a few more minutes" night after night.

#1) For years, I fought through hours of damp and tangled sheets, as I dreaded the coming dawn; but then I realized this: whether it is a snoring bedmate, a loud party, or our own inner turmoil, the underlying cause of sleeplessness is always the same: negative emotion churning up the body and filling the mind with negative thoughts.

The emotion can be fear-based worry; anger-based irritation; or hurt-based sadness/grief. It can even be a positive emotion, like excitement. Or maybe it cannot be named.

Regardless, the solution is the same.

Release the Upset

The first step is to give yourself permission to be awake. I know, I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but give it a try; trying to go to sleep just adds to the stress you are already feeling.

Next, release the tension in your body by breathing it out with each breath. When you find that your mind has skipped away into thoughts, gently bring your attention back to breathing and relaxing.

And, finally, feel the emotion (whether it can be named or not). Instead of trying to ignore or fight it, gently feel what is there. Feel it as you continue to breathe out the tension.

Result? As you feel the emotion, it releases, and when you have released enough, you will fall naturally into a deeper rest. The key is to let the emotion do whatever it needs to do. Your job is to relax and let it. Relax and feel.

It is true. If you are experiencing a lot of negative emotion, you might be awake for most of the night; but, continuing to breathe out the tension will give you more rest than fleeing into your thoughts or giving up and getting up.

2.) Can’t Do It?

But what if you fall into the 2nd category? You just cannot get yourself to bed earlier? Some of us end up staying up “just a few more minutes," with the tv, social media, computer game, or book, even after we have read that long list of sleepless negative effects.

Why deny ourselves? Staying up can feel like a reward (for getting through another tough day or period of our lives).

The Secret

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates

One way to get to bed earlier is to fill your life with more positive rewards so that the negative reward of staying up late is no longer needed. Every new positive reward you add weakens the negative one(s).

So go on a campaign to create a list of what you like and like to do: by diving into your past for energizing fun; by searching the internet; and by checking out your local rec dept and YW/YMCA.

Create that list, even if it takes days or weeks because each new reward raises your quality of life. And find a reward for your mornings, because it is easier to go to bed earlier if you have something to look forward to.

Another way to get to bed earlier is to avoid a big, sweeping resolution; instead, gently decide to go to sleep 10 minutes earlier than usual; and do this until it becomes a habit (usually 2 or 3 weeks).

Then go to bed 10 minutes earlier than that.

Above all, do not rely on the National Sleep Foundation’s recommendations (7 to 9 hours for adults and 8 ½ to 9 ¼ for teens); instead, consider using your own experience. You know how much sleep is too little, and you know what feels like too much; so, consider giving yourself just a bit less than too much.