444 How to Win ANY Power Struggle! Quietly & Easily

There are so many power struggles to choose from:

* I am right, and you should listen to me

* I am better, faster, or smarter than you

* (or the worst), You’ll regret having done that; who can cause the most hurt.’

That is the shortlist, and this is how to end them all - quickly and quietly.

Stuck in Monday morning traffic, I suddenly hit the steering wheel and winced at the pain. It is too much! I thought. Grief from my ex-wife on the weekends, and I have to fight Jerry all week!

Far ahead, the light turned red. I hit the steering wheel again (though not nearly as hard) and thought, Jerry will either change his attitude this morning, or I'll fire him.

A sports car cut me off; I hit the brakes and then my horn.

I finally pulled into work, jerking the car to a stop. Slamming the door, I headed straight for Jerry’s cubicle. He was on the computer, his back to the opening.

I clenched a fist and said, Jerry!

The man tensed and slowly turned his chair.

I leaned into my words: I need that report by the end of the day! No excuses! This has gone on way...”

Jerry was nodding as he interrupted, Sure, sure, I have it all ready for you.

He reached up and pulled it from the shelf.

I stood staring at the first page.

Eventually, I mumbled, Oh, well, uh, good.

Glancing up, I half-heartedly asked How about the Davis work-up? You know, we really need to get on it.

Jerry said, No problem, I’ve already started it. I’ll have it for you ahead of schedule.

I realized my mouth was open. I shut it, nodded uneasily, and left.

Later that afternoon, I was back at his cubicle. I stood hesitating, then pushed myself to knock on the partition. Jerry swung around with a smile that died.

Hi, I said nervously.

Still hesitating, I pushed myself to ask, Why the sudden change? I mean, glad to see it, but why?

Jerry looked embarrassed as he said, Well, I just decided to get a report in on time for once.

Feeling even more uncomfortable, I slid into the other chair and said, Look, Jerry, it's been bugging me all day, and I really would like to know.

Jerry dropped his eyes, scratched his head, and said, Okay. Well. It felt like we were in a battle. It seemed like I had to fight you.

I was silent.

Jerry looked up and said, I kept thinking this was a miserable way to live. So I decided to let you win.

In a flat voice, I repeated, Let me win.

Well, yeah. It felt like a fight, so I imagined letting you win. I hated the feeling, but it was the only way I could think of to change things. I mean, when I was not fighting you in some outside way, I was getting back at you in my mind.

Not knowing what to say, I stood to go and murmured, Uh, yeah, okay, thanks.

Early that next Saturday morning, I was on the way to pick up my children. Jerry's words, I decided to let you win had been echoing in my mind all week.

Before the door was fully open, I heard my ex-wife’s irritated voice: I need the children home on time tomorrow, or is that just too much for you?

I looked away, jaw tight, and thought, Will it never end?

I turned to her angry face, took a breath, and forced myself to say, Good morning. About last weekend, I really am sorry about being late. Tomorrow, we’ll be back a few minutes early.

A scathing retort died on her lips.

I took another breath and pushed out, Oh, speaking of early, here is the support check.

As my children ran out the door and into my arms, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief as I realized I could let her win.

Wait! Wasn't he supposed to win? Leaving her to fight all by herself put his self-esteem back up where it belonged. It gave him back his inner peace, increased his inner strength, and raised his overall quality of life.

Of course, watching her face struggle with the change was also a win.

Note: if you liked this post, get more just like it sent directly to your inbox every 9 days:

Your address is 100% secure. And no spam ever.

And for more on winning: Forget Compromise, Win the Power Struggle from Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everybody-marries-the-wrong-person/201206/forget-compromise