For most games, there is a scorecard, penciled, printed or mental; and no matter how many cards are floating around the game, they all read the same—with one glaring exception: that terrible game of "Score Keeping!"
It is a simple game, and it goes like this: I did for you, now you do for me. Why aren’t you?
In normal games like basketball or pinball, tossing pennies or tossing logs, it is about who has the highest score. But in this game, the opposing side’s score is always higher, which puts the home player in a state of losing disbelief.
Right! Both sides believe they have a lower score, both believe the opposing side owes them, and both experience all the negative feelings that go with losing.
Sadly, the main rule of the game is silence, absolute silence, and even though one side occasionally reaches out and reduces some of that separating distance, the silence and the game keep pushing the scores’ imbalance until there is more resentment and blame than caring and love.
I know about this game better than most, because it was the way I grew up, and it affected my relationships, romantic and otherwise, for far too long.
The good news? There is a simple way to replace that stress-filled game – as you will see in Step 2.
And that is exactly where we are, Step 2, because this step is so powerful you might not even need Step 1. It is so powerful you had better be sitting down when you read it.
Oh, and you might need to dust off your acting skills.
Ready?
Give often, without expectation of returns, without keeping track and without even remembering.
If you were sitting, you are probably on your on your feet now shouting, That’s stupid!!! They’re not giving to me, and you want me to start giving and giving and giving -- to them?
Yes! Because of all it is going to do for you:
1.) It can immediately up your quality of life, because giving feels good (the planning, the act and afterward too).
2.) When one person in a relationship truly changes, the other is forced to change. They cannot go on as before, because it feels wrong; so, they adjust. Which means there is a good chance that they will start giving to you.
BUT do not keep track! If it happens, just be grateful, appreciative.
Two great benefits already, but wait until you see these.
3.) When giving is difficult, and you do it anyway, your inner strength increases -- every time.
4.) Freely giving also raises your self-esteem -- every time.
5.) And more self-esteem raises your general level of happiness (because liking yourself more always does).
6.) And, you no longer have to live with the tension, stress and negative emotions that come with scorekeeping.
All that just for taking a deep breath and diving into this next part.
Shakespeare?
Each time you give, act as though you want nothing in return, and then keep on acting, holding back and remaining silent, even as you are wanting to point out, remind or at least hint at the wonder of your giving.
Can't wait to get started? Slow down!
This change in your relationship can be major, and your partner needs time to adjust. Limit your giving to one or two times a week for three weeks or more. Then, add one more way to givie for the next three weeks, etc.
And because you had the courage to step up and guide your relationship into the next level, you get to enjoy all six of those benefits .
Oh, right! Step 1.
It is about breaking that rule of silence, which by itself can break the game. And a good place to start is by talking about the game itself. Gently get your partner to agree that scoring has been a part of your relationship. And if they do not easily agree, let it go; it doesn’t matter.
You will change them with the brand-new and awesomely giving you -- a you that is now guiding both of your lives into a deeper, more energized and more fulfilling relationship.
You can get tips, tricks and insights, like this post, sent directly to your inbox every 9 days :
Your address is 100% secure. And no spam ever.