I blamed my problems on the abuse I suffered growing up; I blamed my relationship problems on the one with all the issues: my partner.
I also blamed my mistakes on the first person or thing that came to mind and my failures on circumstances, life in general, and God.
Blaming, of course, relieved me of all responsibility. If I had nothing to do with creating my problems, I could not do much to solve them (which meant I did not have to do the work).
I was a victim. And, as we all know, victims are powerless.
After years of this, I finally caught a glimmer of my power: I had been working the graveyard shift and hated it. Several times, I had (weakly) complained to my supervisor and blamed him for his response: “We just can’t make a change right now.”
After 3 ½ years (yes, years), I finally spoke up and said, No more! It came out weak and pathetic, but he changed my schedule.
Fast forward to a day I was out biking and had the strangest thought. If I were partially responsible for my problems, say 10%, then maybe 10% was the power I had to solve them?
If true, what if I took 100% of the responsibility, the blame, even if I did not believe it, even if I knew it was not true? But behaved as if it were?
At that moment, I began seeing the miracle of a better life: options.
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Increased Inner Strength: 3 Steps
Full disclosure: although I am no longer a victim, I sometimes feel that way and like it. I enjoy pointing my blaming finger and knowing nothing poor me can do about it.
When I find myself feeling that way, I let myself feel it (because feeling any negative emotion releases it). STEP 1.
After a time, I take a deep breath, stop blaming and start dealing with my problem, the one that is affecting my life. I begin by looking at my options, even setting a plan. STEP 2.
STEP 3 - Take action. And every time I do (no matter how small the act, successful or not), my inner strength grows as I continue to make my life exactly how I want it. Better.
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