(88/89) An Easy Way to Stop Being Defensive (and giving it all back to them) - Easily

“You like that song?” she asked using her best what's-wrong-with-you tone of voice.

I stomped down on a rush of defensiveness.

That awful tone of voice always has me scrambling, trying to come up with some logical, hopefully significant reasons to show that I have good taste and that my choice is a good one.

She cleared her throat, waiting for an answer. Not having one, I looked away.

Our society near demands that we appear logical at all times and that we have good reasons for our every choice. And to admit that the basement in any way runs the upper stories is close to heresy.

So, go ahead pile the wood around the stake. I confess.

When something new comes up, I immediately like it, don’t like it, or don’t care. There is no inner prompting, no thought and certainly no decision.

Really, I have no idea why I love peppermint-fudge-ripple ice cream and dislike, okay hate, that peanut-chip, cookie-frosted cone.

But it is not just ice cream, and it is not just me.

A study showed that when most people buy a car, they do it emotionally: they see it, fall in love and sign the papers. At that point, they begin coming up with all the clearly logical reasons why it was the best choice, the only choice.

I heard her ask, “You’re not going to answer me?”

Since I did not choose to like this song, what could I tell her?

That is when I remembered: "Whenever you feel defensive, use a question to turn it all back onto them.”

So, I took a breath, looked up, and asked, “You don’t like this song?”

She opened her mouth, paused, and finally stammered, “I, I don’t know. I guess it's alright.”

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